The Reflections of a Lost Soul
by Erica T
Summary: A reposting of one of my first stories, with some editing done. The Talisman Discovery episode from Uranus' point of view.


Author's Note: This is a Re-post of one of the first stories that I ever wrote. I took it off of the site to make some revisions on it in order to make it suitable for entry in the Anime North Fanfiction Contest.

I am proud to say that it won Best Plot.  
  
Summary: Sailor Uranus is my favourite Sailor Moon character, and I think she so underrated and underdeveloped in the English dub. So I decided to take things into my own hands and tell the discovery of the talismans from her point of view. It basically spans that particular episode. It's semi- stream of consciousness so the grammar is not perfect, and I believe that trying to make it perfect would take away from the story.  
  
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is not mine, and it never will be.  
  
The Reflections of a Lost Soul  
  
I sat at the window of our apartment, staring out at the city. It seems so innocent. And yet there is a group out there who will stop at nothing to destroy it all. Everything that the other senshi have tried so hard to preserve. Believe it or not, I have a great respect for them. They seemed so frivolous at first, but, they could not have gotten this far without some sort of ability, and they can even say they are still the innocent girls that they should be. I can barely remember when I felt that innocent. I know Michiru feels the same way. Our mission is soul consuming, it occupies our waking thoughts, and our dreams at night. I know Michiru was disturbed by her dream this morning, but I wish she wouldn't disappear into another world like that. Or at least I wish I could do the same thing. It would be so nice to just forget the world for a few minutes. But I can't do that, the world is in danger, and only we can protect it. Somehow I don't feel comforted by that thought. If only we could let the others help. Again, that is not possible. Our mission is ours alone, if we can't do it, no one can. Why do I get the feeling neither of us going to see the sun set tonight? That used to be our favourite time of day, sunsets are so beautiful, and they are a constant, there is always a sunset in the world.  
  
I've stopped looking out at the city now. I don't know when, but at some point I started focusing on my reflection. It used to be that whenever I looked into a mirror, I'd just see me. But I'm not me anymore. And Michiru isn't Michiru anymore. We are more than what we were, but somehow less. We don't seem to enjoy life anymore. I can't remember the last time I laughed for real. On second thought, that's not really true. Every time I've been around Usagi and her gang I found myself laughing at their antics. Even knowing who they are now, I still smile when I remember Usagi yelling after me when she thought I'd insulted her. And when that friend of Rei's tried to beat me up because he thought Rei liked me better, or just how silly Minako looks when she goes nuts over something. I think I lost some of my own ability to act like that a long time ago. I look closely at my face. I no longer see the spirited, carefree girl I used to be. Before I moved here and before the dreams started. Before I met Michiru. Instead, I see a young woman, wizened beyond her years. Wizened into someone she doesn't want to be, fated to do something she doesn't want to do. The thought of taking someone's life used to sicken me, and though it still does, what's frightening is that I'm getting used to the idea. I regret what I have to do, yet I know I must do it. I don't show these feelings as much as I should, I know that. But no one else does. They all think I'm the unreachable bitch who has no care for anything other than completing her job. But it's not true. Somehow I think Michiru knows it's not true too. She always asks me if I'm sure about things, and I have to answer yes. If I don't, one of us may do something that could endanger the world. But, sometimes, I think she does it to see if I'll ever admit my insecurities. I wish she wouldn't, because someday, I might actually do it.  
  
My thoughts are suddenly cut short when the phone rings. I don't really feel answering it. You can imagine my surprise when it turns out to be the person we've fighting against for the last few weeks. Puff-Pants herself. She is saying something about finding the holders of the pure heart crystals. Oh boy, do I hate her laugh. Why do they always have to sound the same? So she wants to join forces huh? I get the distinct feeling that this is a trap, but she sounds very sure of herself. Perhaps....  
  
Michiru comes into the room, drying her hair. Her hair was always so pretty. I kind of wish my hair could do that. But then I'd have to grow it out, and I do prefer my hair the way it is.  
  
"I think she's discovered who the holders of the crystals are." She says. I nod and turn away, examining my reflection again. I'm definitely not who I used to be. I look at my hands. My hands are already soiled by this mission, and now I'll stop at nothing to get them around the pure heart crystals. Michiru comes a little closer at that moment. I look up at her.  
  
"Huh? Michiru?" She looked at me, a little sadly I think, not sad for me, but for us and whoever possesses the pure heart crystals. She takes my hand gently. It's a series of subtle movements that I've come to memorize. I don't know how we came to make it up, but it's become so important to us.  
  
"Haruka. Don't worry. Your hands still look clean to me." I still find it odd that we can almost read each other's minds sometimes. The time has come my friend.  
  
"There's one thing we still have to do."  
  
I can't believe I've come this far. I used to be just as innocent as Usagi. But, then again Usagi's not quite so innocent anymore is she? Well, more than I am anyway, I'm not going to let her get in my way, nor am I going to let her get hurt. That's why I have to do this. Despite her short stature, she's very strong. It's very hard to take that locket from her. But I am older than she is. And I'm driven by something stronger. She stares at us as we warn her away. Oh I do wish she could help. But this is our fight.  
  
"Haruka-san! Michiru-san!" She shouts after us as we take off. Sorry Moonface. You can't help this time. I wish you could. What was that? I could have sworn I just felt someone else's presence. But that can't be...  
  
"Hey. Did you just feel that?" I ask Neptune.  
  
"No. What did you feel?"  
  
"A very old friend. But it couldn't be. She's dead."  
  
"Oh... you mean..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
The rest of the ride is spent in silence. We are both consumed with thoughts of old friends, great sacrifices and the future. All too soon, the site given to us on that map looms into sight.  
  
"There it is. It's a building on a platform. The marine cathedral." I say to Neptune, more to calm myself down than anything else. I know what lies ahead. It is our destiny. I just hope we can save everything else. Landing is easy; it's an incomplete building, so they're still flying components in by air. There's already a landing pad. Standing in front of the place, the weight of our task suddenly seems huge.  
  
"Uranus. Remember. If anything happens to one of us, the other must continue." Neptune says quietly, taking my gloved hand. I can feel the warmth of her hand through both of our gloves. This could be the last time we touch one another, and it's through two layers of fabric. I can see it's tearing her up to say this. We both know that we can't let each other get hurt. That pact was a lost cause to begin with. I know though, that she needs to hear me be the strong senshi again. Maybe I'll be able to pull it off this last time.  
  
"How could I forget?" You won't draw me out this time Michiru. I will be strong now; I won't let anything happen to me, or to you. The cathedral is quiet. Perhaps a little too quiet. I can almost feel the death in the air. Something is going to happen here today. Something neither of us can prevent.  
  
"She invited us but she not here to welcome us." I say, the silence is getting to me. Neptune turns suddenly gazing at the wall.  
  
"Neptune? Do you see something?" Now it all turns to hell. The paintings on the wall have jumped out at us and are trying to kill us. I should have known. It's just a game to them, make us jump and fight all they want, like puppets on a string. Never realizing that there is so much more going on.  
  
"It is a trap!"  
  
"World Shaking!"  
  
"Deep Submerge!"  
  
A simple trap really. It didn't take much to get rid of it. It's just a little too easy. Still, I fail to notice the last piece of the puzzle. But Neptune does.  
  
"Uranus!"  
  
It was the most horrible sound I had ever heard. Even when she'd fallen into the water, it didn't sound so bad. But her body smacking against the wall... it was worse. I had to get her back. Neptune is the only thing that keeps me going anymore. Without her I am just a shell. Why must they always do this to us? There it is again, that evil laugh. It will be forever engrained in my memory. She has Neptune. And she's telling me where to go now. But...Neptune can't have a pure heart crystal. I won't believe it.  
  
The place is huge. I can only just see the pipes of the organ. And I can just make out the people at the end of the bridge. One of them is Neptune.  
  
"Neptune!" I scream. I have to set her free. I just have to. Racing to the bridge, I am suddenly hit with a barrage of small arrows. They hurt. A scream tears itself from my lungs as I am thrown backwards. Naturally she would have set another trap, how could I have been so stupid. Now I can't even move, and Neptune is still in danger. Wonderful.  
  
"You big fool. Didn't you think that if anyone but me tried to cross the bridge they would be stopped?" Eugeal said, while she approached me, her gun ready and waiting.  
  
There is no way I can have a pure heart crystal. I'm not pure. If anything I'm heartless. I would stop at nothing to get the pure crystals, not even if it meant a dear friend was in danger. I did nothing to stop Kaorinite when she was after Usagi, even though Neptune wanted to. And there is still too much at stake, just as there was then. She is standing over me, ready to blast me into oblivion. What is she waiting for? If I have what she wants why doesn't she take it? But I see movement behind her shoulder.  
  
"Haruka. I won't let you die." I can barely hear her say. Oh no. Neptune don't! Don't do that. Get away now, while there's still time. But, she keeps coming. My heart breaks every time I hear her scream. She wasn't meant to scream.  
  
"Stop Neptune! Don't come near! Stay back!" I scream, in hopes that maybe she'll listen. But no, she just keeps coming. Another scream and I wince. But, what is this? She's worn it out. She actually made it run out of ammo. But, Eugeal still has her gun. Everything seems to be a daze now. If the sound her body made hitting the wall was bad, then imagine the sound of a fatal shot, and then her lifeless body hitting the ground. More than I can take I think. All I can think about is Eugeal was right. We do have the pure heart crystals. How fitting it is that hers would be a mirror. I see images of her pass before my eyes. I remember the last time we communicated, the untrained observer would call it a secret handshake, but it's more than that now. It's all I've got left of her.  
  
"So we do have the pure heart crystals. And now we'll die because of them. Is there no more hope?" I say still gazing in shock at my fallen comrade. Why? Why must it always come to this? Someone dear has to die so the rest can live. Why didn't they tell us straight away what was coming? Why did we have to go through this whole song and dance, just so we can die? I never even thought of giving up my own life for this mission. I'd just about accepted that someone innocent had to die, but now.... Now what am I supposed to do? Eugeal is going to kill me. If only I'd let Usagi come. Wait, what's that? A bright light. The brightest light I've ever seen in my life.  
  
"Stop right there!" A familiar voice shouts. What the hell is going on? How...? I manage to turn towards the voice. Holy...it's the messiah. But...it can't be. Yet, that light. There's no mistaking it. No other person in the world could radiate that light. Huh?? Usagi? How the hell did she get here? Doesn't she now how much danger she's in, especially without that locket of hers? Evidently she doesn't care.  
  
All I hear when she charges forward is her distinctive warrior's cry. It's something we all have. She slams into Puff Pants and sends her plummeting over the edge. What'll she do now? Neptune's already dead. There's not much she can do here now. And it suddenly hits me. In the back of my head, I'd always wanted to save the world without sacrifice. That's what Usagi has always represented, why I'd been drawn to her in the first place. This whole mission has been a mission of self discovery. We were sent out to find ourselves. To find out how far we would be willing to go to save the world.  
  
"Oh pure heart crystal, please go back where you belong in Michiru- san's body." I hear her whisper. No, there isn't anything that Usagi can do here. But she can take our ultimate sacrifice and keep doing what she does best. Fighting.  
  
"Leave it Usagi. We've found the pure heart crystals, so leave it be."  
  
"No! We can't leave her like this!"  
  
I gaze at my fallen friend. There was so much that was left unsaid. Why did she have to go now?  
  
"It's so unfair Michiru. Why did you have to go back into your own world?" I murmur, remembering my thoughts this morning. Out of the corner of my eye I see Usagi look up at me sadly. I have to go now. But first, I have to give back what I've taken. I probably shouldn't have taken it in the first place. Usagi looks surprised when her beloved locket hits her leg.  
  
"Take it back. It's yours and it gave us so many problems." She sees what I am about to do. She lunges at me, and actually tries to wrestle Eugeal's gun away from me.  
  
"No Haruka-san! Stop!"  
  
"I have to! There's another pure crystal inside my own body!" She can't beat me. She couldn't before and certainly not now.  
  
"No Haruka-san. We can do it without them!" I stop when she says that. Does she even know what she's talking about? She's so certain of herself. I want to trust her, you have no idea how much I want to trust her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I promise you, I can protect the world without the pure heart crystals." Her eyes are shining up at me. If I were anyone else, I wouldn't be able to resist those eyes of hers. I swear, she's got everyone wrapped around her finger. One look at her eyes and the beholder is trapped. But, I'm not everyone. And yet, somehow, I almost believe her. I know my face has softened, even though I try to keep it stony. Maybe I'm not so impervious after all.  
  
"It's funny. Somehow, when you say it, I can almost believe it." It's true. I do almost believe it. Almost. She's fallen for my trap though, and relaxed enough for me to shove her away.  
  
"It's up to you to find the third heart crystal." My last words to her.  
  
"Haruka-san! Stop it!" She screams as I pull the trigger.  
  
Oh wow, look, a sunset. I always loved sunsets. It's so pretty. I never knew you could see so many colours in white light. But, I do wish Michiru could see it with me.  
  
It's all gone now. The light, the colours, the people, they're all gone. I think I've passed on to a new plane of reality. So, there really is an after life. Or, maybe this is my world. Maybe I do have a world that I can disappear into after all. It just took me longer to find it. I think, maybe this isn't so bad. I could get used to this. It looks like my destiny has finally caught up with me. I always knew I couldn't outrun it forever, but it was Michiru who finally made me realize what I was doing. Made me face what I really am. Oh Michiru.... I miss you already.  
  
"Haruka." Was that? Could it really be her? Anything is possible here, something told me. I can see her there, as happy as she once was. There's a smile on her face that I've rarely seen.  
  
"Your hands still look clean to me."  
  
I smile at her, I know she can see me as well as I can see her. We can be ourselves now, here in this new place. It's dark, but it's non- constricting.  
  
We are free again.


End file.
